A Good Man

No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means — the only complete realist.

CS Lewis 

A Good Man

I walked through the hills, one autumn day 

A gusty wind blew and I heard it say,

“You … are a good man”

Startled, I stopped. 

Imagination, I thought.

It blew once again, 

through the red gold Aspens 

and I heard it say

“You are a good man”

I dropped to my knees, 

in that grove of trees 

And I cried out loud .. “Please.    

Oh.   Please”

For my body was stiff and my hair gone gray  

it had been so long, since I’d heard my heart say, 

That I was a good man. 

All my bad choices 

still came with their voices 

to accuse and condemn 

“You’re the lowest of men”

“Who are you?” I cried. 

“I’ve been broken inside. 

For so long”

Silence. 

No wind. 

And I, 

once again, 

doubted my mind, 

this must not be true.

Then the breeze blew 

and it said,

“I am you”

“I am the you that you don’t listen to.

I am the you that’s been buried and censored,  

…silenced and injured.

I am the you hidden under the lie, 

who’s been bullied and blocked,

silenced and mocked.

I am the you that first came to this earth, 

pure and real and of infinite worth. 

I am the you who has long been forgotten, pushed to one side by that cheat, 

that deceit 

that you chose to hear 

Saying,

It’s clear.  

You’re not good man!

“But you are. Hear me now! 

You are”

Weeping I cried, “why then today, can I hear you so well?

Today of all days, your voice crushes  that lie?”

The wind replied,

“On the morrow you die”

“So allowance was made, 

for me to break through, 

so that you, 

on our death bed, 

will be comforted.

Don’t you know?

That woven through all the mistakes and misdeeds, 

all the good works, the sins, the hopes and beliefs,  

you did your best, you ran a good race

You fought a good fight. 

You pled for God’s grace.

And that 

is what makes a good man”

I slowly arose 

shaken but calm, 

and turned my way back, 

back towards my home.

I ached to hold them. 

My family.

I yearned to bathe in their love for me, 

I would see them in joy, I would hold them in peace

feeling the final, serene,  

sweet release of

believing .....   Finally knowing 

I had been a good man.